Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
