Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
