Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
