and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
