Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
