I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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