Betty ford says i'm here all night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
