roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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