even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
