Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
