what day is it and did you see me today?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
