You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
