My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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