I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
