I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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