I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They are going to name an STD after you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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