Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Girls should come with a carfax report
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
