I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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