Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
