nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
