did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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