i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
