Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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