Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
