NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
