i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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