I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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