Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.