His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.