And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.