Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.