"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
