we're chasing vodka with high fives
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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