Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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