yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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