Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
