I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
