Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
