Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
