Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
