Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
