1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
