guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The air taste purple.
Randomize
