The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
