if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No subtext here. People are naked.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
