The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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