so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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