Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
