Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
