She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
