Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
