Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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