I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
