worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
