WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
