your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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