I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize