do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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