i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
