Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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