who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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