OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
