Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize