Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
