What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I will be naked everywhere
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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