Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
