one two three fourrrrnication!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
