Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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