I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My feet surprised me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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