So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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