she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
