i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
